Depression Isn’t Just for White People: A Psychoanalytic Reading of "I Tried to be a Good Mexican Son"

In “I Tried to Be a Good Mexican Son,” Jose Olivarez reveals the psychological weight of cultural and familial expectations. This results in deeply internalized guilt and repressed emotions being expressed in his identity as an adult. Through a psychoanalytic lens, we see how the pressure to fulfill traditional Mexican gender and religious roles contributes to his emotional avoidance, internalized insecurity, and fear of disappointment. These unresolved feelings are reflected in his relationship with his mother, his self-image, and his distance from religion. Olivarez’s poem is a testament to the unconscious burden carried by those raised in cultures where emotional expression is discouraged, and success is strictly defined.

Jose’s feelings of inadequacy stem from his fear of disappointing his mother and culture. Jose internalizes standards that he believes his mother expects, which aWect how he treats his mom and how he perceives himself. The pressure to succeed (due to society's expectations and his own) creates a cycle of avoidance and guilt that sabotages his relationship with his mom. Jose states early in the poem, “my mom still loved me. so I invented her sadness and asked her to hold it like a bouquet of fake flowers.” This follows his mentioning of going to college for African American studies, which Jose feels ashamed of because it is “not The Law or The Medicine or The Business.” This choice is not as prestigious as other fields and is not likely to grant him opportunities to make a lot of money, which Jose admits he feels insecure about. “I came home for the holidays still a disappointment. no million-dollar job or grandkids.” Jose is reflecting on his apparent lack of success as a provider and decision not to have children, both representing a departure from traditional expectations of manhood. He expects that these factors will disappoint his mother. Jose explains that his mother immigrated, leaving her life behind to build a new one. Despite what she has gone through, Jose’s mother never tells him she is disappointed; rather, his insecurity leads him to believe that she is. He projects his insecurity onto his mother as disappointment, making her bear an emotional burden (carrying a bouquet of flowers) that she does not actually bear (the flowers are fake). As we look deeper into Jose’s life, we realize that the culture that played a major role in his upbringing actively works in his unconscious to control his emotions and behaviors. In Mexican culture, it is traditional for men to be the providers. Jose is unaware that his shame and insecurity are a result of these internalized masculine standards, which are a product of his culture.

Religious expectations also contribute to Jose’s guilt and internal conflict, further complicating his identity and emotional well-being. Jose never deliberately identifies with religion; however, we can observe his religious conflicts when he says, “I never share the Jesus Christ memes she sends me on Facebook. If there is a hell, I’m going express.” and “Maybe god believes in second chances. but I doubt it.” Jose feels conflicted not only because he doesn’t respond to his mother, but also because he isn’t engaging in the religion he likely felt pressured (via his culture) to identify with as a child. This demonstrates the various aspects weighing on Jose’s psyche. Additionally, the stylistic choice to leave the ‘g’ in God uncapitalized aids in the suggestion that Jose has lost touch with the religion he grew up involved with, adding another layer of guilt to his conscious. The pressure of being a good son goes hand in hand with the pressure of being a good Christian. In Mexican culture, the dominant faith is Roman Catholicism, where God and his love are believed to be a key part of the family structure, intertwining religion with the family. His mother, loving him relentlessly, draws parallels to the way that God is described in this culture. No matter what Jose does, his mother will still love him and provide for him just as God will for his followers. Jose’s conflict with his mother can be interpreted as a symbol for his conflict with God.

The way Jose copes with his insecurity and guilt is by avoiding experiencing his emotions and feeling vulnerable. This avoidance can be traced to Jose’s upbringing when analyzing this quote: “Went to a good college and learned depression isn’t just for white people.” This statement suggests that growing up, Jose didn’t learn to acknowledge his negative feelings and fell in line with his culture. In traditional Mexican culture, depression, and mental illness are often misunderstood and viewed as weaknesses. “Machismo”, a Mexican cultural concept, emphasizes strength, stoicism, and masculine pride. Jose likely internalized this system of handling emotions, and it continues to aWect his behavior as a part of his unconscious. The following line further acknowledges Jose’s habit of avoidance: “I try to be a good Mexican son, but all I know how to do is sit down for a good second & leave before a bad one.” This quote directly depicts emotional avoidance as it describes Jose avoiding the potential that his mom will confirm his insecurities by expressing her disappointment. Growing up, Jose didn’t understand the joy and hope his mother felt with her new life. Instead, he only saw the negatives to the struggle she made to immigrate to America and the sacrifice of leaving her life behind, “she laughed through it all. I didn’t understand. Wasn’t immigration a burden?” Jose perceived this to be more of a negative experience for his mother than a positive one. Because of this, he only believed that she swept her emotions under the rug to maintain peace in the family (another cultural tradition). The belief that avoiding emotional conflict is the right thing to do was ingrained in Jose’s unconscious at a young age and is expressed in his coping mechanism of emotional avoidance.

Jose Olivarez reveals the deep psychological eWects of growing up within a culture that encourages emotional restraint, traditional masculinity, and strict family expectations. Through a psychoanalytic lens, we see how Jose’s guilt, emotional avoidance, and insecurity are symptoms of internalized cultural pressures and unconscious fears of inadequacy. His projection of disappointment onto his mother, his detachment from religion, and his rebellion against machismo all point to a conflict between who he is and who he believes he is supposed to become. By confronting these tensions through poetry, Olivarez not only exposes the burdens of being a “good Mexican son,” but also invites a deeper understanding of how cultural identity can shape—and sometimes distort—our personal lives.